However, after listening to the compelling arguments of the distinguished speakers who participated in the Heartland Institute’s recent global warming contrarian conference, we have decided that the science is settled — in favor of the contrarians. Indeed, even IPCC chair Rajendra Pachauri has now admitted that anthropogenic climate change was a massive hoax after all.
I finally see the light…
Sorry, I meant “white.” It is snowing outside right now in Seattle, so obviously global warming couldn’t possibly be taking place. If you will excuse me, Moira wants me to brave the snow, returning with a latte and a ham and cheese croissant.
Well, this explains a lot – obviously, the folks at realclimate are paid stooges of the honchos at NASA who refuse to make the DSCOVR documents public:
NASA Reneges on Transparency – Still No DSCOVR Documents
Tags: Desmogger, dscovr climate satellite, Government Policy, Mitchell Anderson, Nasa, NASA, NASA climate change, nasa global warming, News We made, Science, Science, US
It was welcome news last month when Congress committed $9 million to refurbish the long-overdue Deep Space Climate Observatory (DSCOVR). Good start. So how about some information to go with it?
Desmog blog readers will recall the long and fruitless quest to wring documents out of NASA about the bizarre story of the DSCOVR spacecraft. This $100 million instrument was fully completed eight years ago yet has been sitting in a box in Maryland ever since.
DSCOVR was designed to directly measure climate change for the first time ever by observing our warming planet from the unique vantage of the Lagrange Point – one million miles towards the Sun.
The climate denial industry has been regularly harping on the unreliability of low Earth orbit satellite data for years. Strange then, how the very experiment that could resolve such issues was mothballed – over the strenuous objections of dozens of leading researchers.
I struggled for over a year to extract any kind of internal documents from NASA using the Freedom of Information Act and got nowhere. After 11 months of stonewalling, the space agency elected to withhold an unknown number of documents due to some very bizarre rationales. I appealed later in 2007 and was also turned down.
Yes, it is all a big conspiracy, isn’t it? I think the biofuel folks are behind it – or is it the solar photovoltaic folks? They are using their vast political power to leverage a future of total human servitude to corporate ideology, while the independent coal miners and oil roughnecks are returned to a life of poverty and misery.
Yikes, the subject line scared me! I already had formulated a long email to you how in the world you could abandon us in such a crucial time. Every year I keep being fooled by some cruel people like you ;-) One day I’ll learn, maybe, but that’d take away all the fun of it.
For anyone who is getting bored and impatient with the slow-moving pace of the anthropogenic global warming disaster, here’s a potential catastrophe that could devastate civilization as we know it in a matter of moments, with little or no warning:
It is midnight on 22 September 2012 and the skies above Manhattan are filled with a flickering curtain of colourful light. Few New Yorkers have seen the aurora this far south but their fascination is short-lived. Within a few seconds, electric bulbs dim and flicker, then become unusually bright for a fleeting moment. Then all the lights in the state go out. Within 90 seconds, the entire eastern half of the US is without power.
A year later and millions of Americans are dead and the nation’s infrastructure lies in tatters. The World Bank declares America a developing nation. Europe, Scandinavia, China and Japan are also struggling to recover from the same fateful event – a violent storm, 150 million kilometres away on the surface of the sun.
It sounds ridiculous. Surely the sun couldn’t create so profound a disaster on Earth. Yet an extraordinary report funded by NASA and issued by the US National Academy of Sciences (NAS) in January this year claims it could do just that.
Over the last few decades, western civilisations have busily sown the seeds of their own destruction. Our modern way of life, with its reliance on technology, has unwittingly exposed us to an extraordinary danger: plasma balls spewed from the surface of the sun could wipe out our power grids, with catastrophic consequences.
You swineherds! That first sentence actually had me going for a minute. I was thinking, “Oh no, they’ve got to shut down for some reason.” Then I read the second sentence and remembered the date. Ya got me!
My birthday is today so I am used to these types of jokes. But, this one scared me. Especially since so many people actually believe those statements! Here is a website from Oregon which proves that your capitulation is long overdue. Slyly named to look at though it is the state of Oregon cite and with no names or organizational affiliation on it: http://www.sustainableoregon.com/
You’ve finally come to your senses!As any fool can plainly see global warming isn’t happening,or maybe it is and it will be a boon to mankind and all other flora and fauna. Who needs coral reefs or spring runoff from the Himalayas or non-acidic oceans,anyway?
Sea level rise will enable navigable waters to reach to a greater extent. Ships will dock at our doorsteps or in our living rooms.Winter sports like skiing were for the birds anyway. It’s about time we gave up the ghost and admitted to what perceptive folks like James Imhofe saw all along. Happy April First!!
e.b) it will be more costly to invest ~1% of global GDP for the next decades, in order to mitigate GW, than to build/rebuild massive infrastructures, reform agriculture, etc (all known to be cheap and non-disruptive endeavors) … when the problems have already happened and
e.c) doing something about GW is a selfish western preoccupation that will deny the 3rd world its brilliant future development. Yes it is proven (i.e. I read it on the internet, somewhere) that without the lobbying of greenies-liberal-commies, even the poorest countries in the world would already have economies comparable to the western ones … (well actually it might be the case following the latest economical developments :-P )
well, guys…it was a good run while it lasted. we had ‘em going for a while there. i think we all knew in the back of our minds it just couldn’t last. thanks all you scientists here for all those great fake arguments and graphs and stuff – you almost had me believing AGW was real! there were just too many of us in on it for it to last forever.
My first thought was: Geesh, this is what happens when I stop reading a blog for a few months, it goes under (sure, it’s my readership that makes the difference). But the minute I saw Heartland Institute I suddenly realized that one of my legs was longer than the other.
Now that the AGW grant gravy train has dried up, I will need to get together with a few of my research buddies and lay the groundwork for making up another plausible threat to mankind so we can get more research money! Oh, I know–zombie nanobots! Be sure and look for my groundbreaking paper in Science in about 6 months, and start cranking up those grant proposals.
Meanwhile, on this side of the Pond, this massive hoax about global warming that isn’t happening is causing all manner of weird effects in dear old Blighty’s wildlife. Even butterflies in southern England are now changing their spots as you can see here:
SecularAnimist – have you seen the latest on that?
They say Krakatoa is going to blow as well… possibly part of a 150-200 year natural cycle that may be a major climate driver – triggered by extreme solar flares which send neutrino-type thingys deep into the Earth, where they trigger chain reactions that lead to giant eruptions – something to do with trace levels of uranium in the lava melt – and this is pretty well shown by the correlation of the 1883 Krakatoa eruption with the 1859 Carrington solar flare event. From that we can calculate a robust response time of 24 years – and try running that against the Little Ice Age and the Maunder Minimum. Stunning, isn’t it?
In fact, if you take all the major volcanic eruptions of the past two centuries and put them on a timeline, you see something startling:
The frequency of earthquakes and volcanos over time is increasing! There were only two volcanos in the 17th century, but dozens during the 20th century – sure sign of some kind of looming planetary instability.
We need to let off the pressure, is what I’m thinking – drill a big hole and let the Earth breathe a little. We might also be able to slow global warming down quite a bit, and I’m sure this will appeal to the geoengineering crowd as well.
The solution lies near the California-Nevada border, in the form of the Long Valley Caldera. Rough calculations show if you drill about a dozen mine shafts as deep as possible into the thing, and plunk megaton nuclear bombs down there, and then fire them off simultaneously, you’ll get a repeat of the Long Valley Caldera explosion of about 800,000 years ago – which coated everything east of it with miles of ash and injected a giant aerosol cloud into the stratosphere – the ash layer alone formed a triangle stretching from the caldera to Louisiana to North Dakota, including all of Arizona and most of Idaho and everything in between – I bet that would have a cooling factor of at least -30 W/m^2 – and you could go and do the Yellowstone Plateau at the same time – geoengineering at its finest.
China has expressed interest in this, as have people in Washington (the state), Oregon, California and Baja – but everyone else in the Northern Hemisphere is being obstructionist, not putting the welfare of the nation and the planet first – you know how that is.
Actually before RC came on line I was despairing that either the climate scientists were going over to the dark side in droves (to the contrarians), possibly for filthy lucre, or were afraid to speak out due to various repercussions they might face at their universities or gov institutes. The media sure weren’t covering the issue then. And I thought I’d be one of the few environmentalists remaining, crying out in the desert about GW, with no one to believe me. It’s really been great to have RC; you guys are true heroes. (And while I can’t completely fault people for not believing me; it really boils me that they can’t believe the scientists :( )
So I first thought when I read today’s post, okay now, back to square one.
Well…it is April fools. You know, however, that looking at BOTH sides, and who has more blog web traffic, the skeptics and the AWG supporters seem to now have a 50/50 split. Sort of like Sunnis versis Shiites. The real proof will be over time. Will the Arctic ice cap melt in summer “in less than 5 years” or not. The trend data shows a -2.8% per decade drop in the Arctic right now, and 1 +2.8% rise in the Antarctic and global sea ice is just above average (compared to the 1979-2000 mean). Who will win?
As a qualified gynecologist, it has always been obvious to me that AGW was rubbish. Myself and other climate experts, (retired civil engineers, personal trainers), are at last vindicated in our campaign for truth against those hippy bums at GISS and Hadley. Cosmic water vapour and the fact that grapes were once grown on Mars, Titan AND Venus were just ‘inconvenient truths’ for these crusties.
I have a neocon friend who insists the gubmint is spraying the population with aerosol chemicals sprayed out of jets to look like contrails — the jets crisscross up there so much it looks like a grid, and it all stays up longer than regular contrails and people are getting sick and it is so weird how come no one ever has a digital camera at hand.
The convincing case is a perspective that comes from thinking of “Window Taxes”, “VAT”, “POLL taxes” etc. Now we have “Carbon tax”. The answer to how much CO2 we allow to be emitted is quite simple:
1/. How much do the governments need to raise?
2/. How much re-distribution of wealth do they want to achieve?
These will be the driving factors whatever the consequences of CO2 may prove to be. The difference this time will be that it will move from a local to a global level.
The US has now joined the game and the movement is accelarating. Governments are already banking and planning on the future revenues. I’m beginning to believe we will not have a choice than to get out our “check books” (as you mention) and sign the blank checks in a year or two.
We have survived in spite of taxes and defeated some, often by persistently raising our voices to be heard (like the Thatcher Poll Tax) and the voices on this blog do not give me any pause for optimism. Having taken an interest I’m moving rapidly to the denier side right now. (Getting my confidence up on this game:))
That was exceptionally cruel as I’m presently without coffee. That and it’s now April 2nd …
For months I’ve written about green energy. Well, yesterday my Retail Electric Provider, TXU Energy, made it somewhat clear (I still need to talk to someone a bit higher up …) that they aren’t going to pay me at all for exported power. So, I’m running the house on solar and batteries until they straighten their act out. Thus, no coffee until the sun comes out, or I decide that being without coffee presents a serious threat to my ability to properly parse April Fool’s jokes that I didn’t read yesterday …
Oh, and then I call the media and tell them what a bunch of jerks TXU is …
This is such a relief I’m glad that finally they stopped wasting money on research about global warming and admitted that its a hoax. Know if only Obama will admit the same. thanks for the work you did to prove it wrong.
That’s as bad as Discover Magazines (1999 – or 97, I think) Item about the ‘Mole Rat-like’ creatures that use a head-mounted heating organ to melt a warren of tunnels through the Antarctic Ice!
My borther never let me live that one down – though I should’ve know better, as I’m fairly familiar with thermodynamics and all that!
Obama, presently in London at the G20 was most pleased to read about the end of global warming.
He had been asked to support the European Community’s inititive (Directive EU 01:04:09 Carbonated Beverages – Carbon Reduction Directive) to reduce the CO2 in fizzy drinks. This is planned to reduce the CO2 content of beverages buy 40% over the next ten years. However, this would not apply to bottled mineral waters (as popular in France – Evian, Vittel, Perrier, etc)and was thus seen as an anti-American trade protection device under the guise of a green inititive, for most European fizzy drinks are produced by the European arms of Coca-Cola and Pepsi and remit their profits to the USA.
Obama has vetoed the directive and on BBC TV tonight he said “CO2 reduction? Change we will NOT have”.
In 1957 the BBC ran a short documentary on the positive effects of a warm winter and early spring on the spaghetti harvest in Switzerland. It was voiced-over by the great and trusted broadcaster Richard Dimbleby and is still one of the greats:
You forgot hypothesis f): even if it is bad, and stoppable, it is better to let it happen, than spending the money to stop it – this is the thesis of Bjorn Lomborg, and his argument is as flawed as most of the arguments of climate change negacionists.
Actually, it is possible to see people defending thesis a), b), c), d), e) and f) at the same time, regardless of the contradictions between them.